I started worrying about our youngest daughter when she was about 11. I couldn’t quite pinpoint it, I just worried. I could tell she was struggling, but I wasn’t sure with what or how to help her. She seemed to have ADHD and possibly some form of Autism like her brother. We had tried meds for ADHD and they didn’t work. The patch made her break out in hives and the pills made her more hyperactive. So we went without for awhile.

She struggled with school, she struggled to get up in the morning to get to school.

One day near the end of 6th grade, I received an email from her teacher. She wanted to discuss a few concerns. It was urgent and she couldn’t email me about it, we needed to talk on the phone. Next thing I knew, it had escalated and the principal (or vice) needed to be involved with the phone call.

I don’t remember the whole conversation.  There were 3 issues/concerns.

1- A drawing had been found that was suicidal in nature. It was found on our daughter’s desk. It wasn’t clear if it was someone else suggesting that she should kill herself or if she felt suicidal. Either way, not cool!

2- Another parent had called the school, concerned that our daughter might have a crush on another girl. There was also concern that our daughter was holding hands and hugging her best friend at school. (Insert sarcastic gasp) I’m sorry, bUT that didn’t concern me one bit! I honestly tried not to laugh. I didn’t get what the big deal was.

3- I honestly can’t think what the 3rd thing was. Maybe #2 was 2 parts, or maybe the teacher couldn’t even remember the 3rd thing. That sounds about right. 😕

I filled my husband in and we both agreed that we didn’t see an issue with her holding hands or hugging her best friend. 

The suicidal drawing was definitely a concern! We talked to our daughter and she said that someone else had drawn it while at her desk during rotation. It still wasn’t clear if it was aimed towards her or not. We talked about how serious it was and that if she needed help to let us know.

Then we talked about the #2 “issue”. We let her know that we didn’t see a problem with her showing affection to her best friend or other friends (as far as hugging and holding hands). I know I was hugging my friends at her age. So then I asked if she did have a crush on a girl. She shyly said yes. Who? Her best friend. Oh, okay. I had no idea! What happened next was second nature. My husband and I told her that it didn’t bother us and that we loved her no matter what. We welcomed her with open arms. We hugged and we cried. She was validated, loved and accepted. ❤

We had always considered ourselves LGBT allies, still I was so happy and proud with how easily it was for us to accept her, especially my husband.

At one point we learned that she was pansexual. I had to Google it.

 pan·sex·u·al
panˈsekSH(əw)əl/
adjective
1.
not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.
noun
1.
a pansexual person.

I still didn’t understand it 100%

We soon set up counseling for her, for anxiety and depression. We told her she could talk about other things as well if she wanted too.

 

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4 thoughts on “Chapter 2: How it all began; the phone call

  1. Amazing love you have for her. Of course, I relate from my own perspective and I’m, obviously way older than your daughter (You, your husband, and I are probably similar in age), but I never felt comfortable telling my parents about my own sexuality. Having been raised as a catholic, I’m sure you can imagine the shock my parents might have had. The closest I ever came to having been “outed” at that age was when I saw something ON TV about homosexuals and heard something about it a sin. I was in middle school at the time and exclaimed, “What?!?!? That’s not right, how can it be a sin? No one can control who they fall in love with!!!” And then my parents, sat me down and explained that God had made “Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve” They did not realize I already had inclinations towards my friends, so I ended up denying myself that aspect….for many, many. many years.
    Good for you, for the care you’re providing your daughter. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel comfortable coming out to your family. Sounds like even now you still don’t feel comfortable. We did hit a few rough spots and I will get to those.
      I hope you stick around and I look forward to reading more of your posts. I don’t know if you’d be interested, but I would suggest checking out Mormon Stories Podcasts. I know you’re not Mormon, but you might be able to relate to some things. There are some stories talking to LGBT people and their struggles within the church. It’s been fascinating and helpful to me. I’ll be posting links and groups I’ve found helpful as I continue to tell our story. God bless you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. That’s very sweet if you to make the suggestion. I have a lot going in this week…so I might get to check those out later. Thank you and God bless you and your family. 💙

        Liked by 1 person

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