So, now we knew she was gay/lesbian. No biggie and we told her that. But, there was still something else going on. I still worried about her in general.
* I will remind you to please keep an open mind as you read my blog and try not to judge. There may be more to the story you don’t know and this is only one chapter of the story. We are one year past this chapter now. I’m just trying to tell the story in its entirety, feelings and all at the time it happened. It’s not always easy to be raw and real. *
We were prepared to stick up for her and back her up if necessary. We knew that other parents weren’t as supportive, especially in the church. A friend of hers came out to her parents about a year later. They were not supportive and she had to meet with her bishop often and was basically told to “pray away the gay”. The few people I told about our child, I let them know that that would not be our approach. ( I later found out that this friend was banned from seeing my child because she’a gay and because her parents thought she was a bad influence. It broke my heart. They “like” each other now, but will probably never be together)
We were advised (by a therapist) to check her phone, that she should be turning it in every night and not have access to it all night long. (Good advice for all kids, not because we thought she was a bad kid) All parents should know what’s on their children’s phones and if they have a smart phone, access should be limited (time and content).
What we found was a little much for a 12 year old. I felt like I didn’t know her, like she had this secret life. I was concerned with a few pictures and things she was looking up. Yes, I’m being a bit vague, I won’t go into details. It wasn’t the absolute worst you could think of, but there were things that weren’t age appropriate. There seemed to be a lot of attitude/anger in her pictures. Then there was the video of her and her friends antagonizing and basically bullying a boy. That was pretty disappointing. She said that some of the inappropriate content on her phone was her friends’. We also learned that her friend wasn’t allowed to use certain apps and she had been using them on our daughter’s phone.
We didn’t feel like we could trust her. She felt like she was sneaking around and not making very good choices. She was grounded most of the summer. (For her phone and behavior)
Somewhere I learned she was pansexual. I had never heard of it. I had to Google it. I still didn’t really understand it. Honestly, I started thinking, “Is this all a trend, is it a fad, are her friends a bad influence? I found it a little odd that all her friends were either gay, bi or pansexual. Later we found out she also had a trans friend. I also thought “She’s so young!” She was 12 at the time. We thought maybe she was just following the crowd. (And this was all so new to me and my husband)
She started seeing a therapist that I thought was a really good fit for her. She seemed “cool” and specifically dealt with LGBT kids. (We didn’t want to change her, just help her, she also struggled with anxiety/depression).
She only saw her once and then the therapist left the office. I found out my daughter didn’t care for her anyway.
Not much changed, I felt like I was losing her. I tried to understand, I tried to show her that I loved her. I didn’t feel like she loved me. I tried to be as open and understanding as possible. We used to be so close and now she just wanted to be with her friends. I just wanted her to make good choices. I didn’t want to lose her to the world if that makes sense.
I just wanted her to be a 12 year old. 😭💔